Thinking Of You
by Ballerama Beauty
Summary: When Zack leaves Cloud to go fight in the war, he tells Cloud to move on. It's been a few months and Cloud is now with Leon, but even though he's with Leon, he can't help but think of Zack. Can Cloud continue to live a lie? ZackxCloudxLeon


_**~Thinking of you ~**_

_One shot_

"Looks like it's getting pretty rough out there." Leon said watching the news. He watched closely as the news anchor gave a body count and as a set of faces came up on the screen. He groaned and shook his head. "Tragic isn't?" Every day it was like this, the news would come to report the worst. Everyday young soldiers would be reported killed in an action, every single day. What really got to everyone was the background story of each soldier about their lives and the families they had left behind. That always felt the most heart wrenching and it was a terrible feeling. Japan was at war and so far they weren't winning. Leon didn't know how many people he knew that had relatives or friends in the war, almost everyone did. Even he did. He'd just pray that he'd never have to see one of his friends faces appear on the screen. Leon couldn't handle that type of heartache…or the guilt.

"When is it going to end?" He thought aloud, still watching. Leon looked away from the TV for a moment and looked behind him. "Hey? Are you there?"

"Yeah I'm here." Cloud said sitting by the window.

Leon turned back to the screen. "For a while I thought I was talking to myself. You ok?"

"Who were they?" Cloud asked suddenly.

"What?" Leon asked.

"The soldiers, what were their names?" Cloud asked again.

"Mm. Can't remember all of them." Leon replied.

"Well, check another station I'm sure they'll list it again." Cloud said walking over to Leon and took the remote. He began looking through the channels until he found another news station. He stared at the screen while the anchor re-listed those who were killed in action. Leon looked up at Cloud and studied his face, at first he looked panicked, but when the anchor finished listing the victims, he saw a look of relief wash over his face. Cloud handed the remote back to Leon and walked back to the window.

Leon turned to Cloud. "No one you know?"

"No." Cloud said sighing.

"I didn't know you knew anyone in the war?" Leon told him.

"I used to." Cloud replied.

"What do you mean used to?" Leon asked curiously.

"I..." Cloud opened his mouth to reply, but felt his words get caught in his throat. He put his hand on his neck and turned away from Leon. "I..." It was almost as if he forgot how to speak. /_Cloud.../ _He stayed paralyzed even as Leon called his name. /_It's ok./ _It wasn't until he felt Leon put his arms around his waist, he then snapped out of his paralysis. Cloud tilted his head up to look at Leon.

"Cloud, what's wrong?" Leon asked, worried.

"Nothing. Just my anxiety getting to me. You know how it gets." Cloud replied breathing slowly.

"I'm sorry." He replied. Leon then leaned over to kiss him, but Cloud quickly pushed him away.

"Not right now, Squall." Cloud said walking away from him.

Leon stared at him, confused as he walked away into the kitchen. Cloud quickly walked over to the stove and grabbed the tea pot; he poured some water in it and sat it down on the stove. He walked over to the shelves and got two cups; he walked back over to the stove and started heating the teapot. Leon walked into the kitchen and leaned against the archway.

"I thought I told you not to call me Squall?" Leon said as he watched Cloud stand nervously by the stove.

"Sorry." Cloud mumbled his mind elsewhere. He then looked over to the two cups. "Tea?" He asked.

"Yeah, please." Leon replied.

Desperate to get his mind elsewhere, Cloud asked. "Any news from Cid?"

"Cid? Yeah he sent a letter yesterday. It's nice to know that bastards still going strong." Leon smirked. "Miss that guy."

/_I promise to write to you, so you'll be able to hear from me. I wouldn't want you to think that I forgot about you, I just wouldn't do that now would I? And, no matter how hard I try I never will./ _Cloud held onto the counter and gripped it tight. "He did? What did he say?" Cloud asked.

"Oh, hm...I can't remember to well. Hold on let me go get it." Leon said walking out of the kitchen.

Cloud felt his thoughts begin to become smothered. Cid had written to Leon, which meant he was ok. This meant that the soldiers were able to write letters now. But if Leon received his letter from Cid, where was Cloud's letter from.... /_Don't worry, don't worry! I promise I'll write as soon as I get the chance. But, don't wear yourself out waiting by the mail box. It'll come./_ But, where was it? Where were they? So many letters have come, but not one for Cloud...not one. Had he been forgotten? Was he no longer important? Was it all just empty promises? Had he...moved on? "He promised me..." He whispered angrily. "Where is it!?" He put his hands over his face distressed. The teapot began whistling, but he ignored.

"Hey I found it! It was under all the other mail by my lamp. Cloud, the teapot's whistling." Leon said coming back in the kitchen holding his letter.

Cloud shook his head…his mind still in blur, he acted impulsively and grabbed the boiling teapot without wearing a gloves. The teapot crashed onto the floor with a bang and the hot water began to spread all on the kitchen floor. "Ah, shit!" Cloud yelled holding his hand and moving away from the stove. Leon quickly turned the stove flame off and ran over to Cloud. "Cloud, what the hell are you doing?! Here, you have to get your hand under cold water." He guided Cloud to the sink and stepped over the teapot. He turned on the faucet and put Cloud's hand under the water. Cloud winced as the cold water ran over his injured hand. Leon shook his head. "You have to be more careful next time. Always wear your gloves."

"It's not helping." Cloud said.

"What do you mean?" Leon asked.

"Someone told me once that when you burn yourself, It works better to run your hand under warm water rather than cold water." Cloud explained.

"Who told you that?" Leon asked switching the water temperature from cold to warm.

"Someone I used to know." Cloud said remorseful. He felt the warm water run over his hand and sighed. "That feels a lot better." Cloud told Leon. After awhile of letting the water run over his injured hand, he turned off the faucet. Cloud moved to pick up the teapot, but Leon stopped him. "I've got it." He said picking it up with the gloves. "I'll mop up the water too and refill the teapot to make us some tea." Leon said. "You just go up stairs and rest. I'll read Cid's letter to you later." Cloud shook his head. "Squall, you don't have too."

Leon shook his head. "But, I want to. Hey, what did I tell you about calling me Squall?"

Cloud stared at him dazed. "I forgot." Leon pulled Cloud closer and caught his lips. Cloud felt his cheeks heat up as Leon's lips brushed over his gently. The kiss was sweet and tenders something he enjoyed when Leon would kiss him. He felt Leon kiss him harder and Cloud kissed back. There was a promise for something later in that kiss. Cloud pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. "I-I'm going upstairs now." Leon nodded kissing Cloud on the cheek and letting him go. Cloud walked out of the kitchen quickly feeling flustered. He headed upstairs toward the room when he felt his eyes begin to well up with tears. Cloud knew why this was happening.

_Flashback_

_"Ah, damnit!" Cloud yelled holding his hand._

_"What happened?!" He asked rushing over to Cloud's side. _

_"The tea cup. I forgot how hot it was and when I picked it up I burned myself." Cloud said embarrassed._

_"Ah, blondie come here, its ok. Come on." He said leaning over and picking Cloud up in his arms. "W-what are you doing? I can walk it's just a small burn!" Cloud said wrapping his arms around his lover's neck as he led him into the bathroom. He sat down on the edge of the tub with Cloud on his lap and turned on the water. "What are you doing?" Cloud asked. He grabbed his hand and put it under the water. Cloud felt calm as the soothing water ran over his skin, he sighed content. "This feels a lot better."_

_"See? Not so bad." He smiled._

_"I thought you're supposed to use cold water though?" Cloud asked moving his hand around._

_"Well, you could. But, warmer water works better with burns. It soothes the pain." He explained._

_"But, that doesn't make any sense." Cloud said as he was about to turn off the water, but was stopped by another hand._

_"It doesn't have too." His lover smiled._

_"Why didn't we just use the sink water?" Cloud asked suspicious._

_"Because, we can't take a bath in the sink now can we?" He asked._

_"When did this become about a bath? I thought we were just trying to soothe my burn." Cloud said._

_"Well, we've already done that haven't we?" He said moving his hands over to Cloud's belt. "Why not feel the warm water all over?" Cloud blushed as he allowed himself to be undressed. When he was completely nude, he climbed into the tub and quickly began to fill the tub with bubbles flustered. He averted his eyes from watching his lover undress and climbing into the tub with him. Cloud felt himself sink a little lower into the tub completely red. He motioned Cloud to come closer and Cloud complied. He pulled Cloud towards him and began nipping at his lower lip gently. Their mouths parted as he pursued Cloud further. Cloud felt himself shiver in pleasure as he allowed himself to be dominated. But, wasn't sure how much longer he could take of it. "Ah..." He moaned against his lips. He pulled away from Cloud's lips and trailed down to leave marks on his neck. He continued to move lower leaving kisses down Clouds chest, which left Cloud moaning in response. "S-Stop!" He yelled out suddenly._

_His lover stopped and stared at him. "What's wrong?"_

_Cloud quickly moved away from him and began to climb out of the tub. "I feel like I'm burning all over!" He grabbed a towel and covered himself cowardly._

_"Hahaha! Is that it? Wow, I don't think you realize just how adorable you are." He laughed in response. "Warm waters supposed to help burning come back in." He said splashing water at Cloud._

_"No, it just makes it worse. I-I feel like I can't think. I don't get it, it doesn't make sense." Cloud replied shyly._

_"It doesn't have to make sense." He replied._

_Cloud looked at him. "Why not?" He asked curiously._

_"Because, love doesn't have to make sense." He answered smiling._

_Cloud looked at him not fully understanding what he meant, but smiled nonetheless. _

_End Flashback_

Cloud sat on the bed and laid back. He couldn't describe how he was feeling at the moment, because he didn't know any words that would do it justified. It was hard to believe that so much had happened only a few months ago. Just a few months ago...Cloud had everything. Absolutely everything. But, he looked at himself now and felt like he had…absolutely nothing. Cloud wiped the tears away from his face hoping Leon wouldn't notice his distress. Was he wrong for feeling the way he did? Cloud didn't think so, but he felt what he was doing was wrong.

"Leon..." He whispered. Over the past months Cloud had developed feelings for him. Whether they were real or not, he didn't know. He was there for Cloud when no one else was. He was Cloud's only shoulder to cry on, when he needed it and Cloud felt guilty as hell when he couldn't even tell Leon the reason why he was crying. He was a good listener when Cloud needed someone to talk to. Whether what he said were lies or the truth, Leon would still listen. He supported Cloud, he protected and cared for him. For that alone…it's something that Cloud could not forget. But, most of all he was good a lover. Cloud was only human and he had his needs. Leon fulfilled them. Despite all he'd done, Leon could never completely fill the void in Cloud's heart.

Cloud looked up when he heard the door open and saw Leon walk in holding two tea cups. "Tea's ready. Nice and warm too." Leon smiled walking over to Cloud handing him his cup.

"Thank you." Cloud said taking the tea.

Leon sat on the bed beside Cloud and blew on his tea. "How's your hand?"

"It's better." Cloud replied.

Leon nodded. "Good. Do you still want to hear Cid's letter?" He asked looking at Cloud.

/_I can understand that you feel that way, Cloud. But, if you love me...You have to find it in yourself to respect my decision./ _"Yeah." Cloud nodded quickly and took a gulp of his tea, attempting to drown any involuntary sobs.

"Alright." Leon said pulling the letter out of his pocket then unfolds it. Cloud took a deep breath and gave Leon his attention waiting for him to speak.

_Dear Leon,_

_Hey! It's me Cid! How are ya'll holdin' up? I hope all is well back at home. How's Cloud? He doin' ok? Well, things are holdin' down out here. I wouldn't say things are goin' good, but were holdin' it down. We've been losin' alot of soldiers, you've probably heard from watchin' the T.V. But, I don't want ya'll worrying now, because yall know I want be goin' down without a good fight. It's times like these that makes me miss home the most, you know? Being afraid I might not be able to come back. But, it also makes me feel more damn proud than ever to actually be fightin' for somethin'. All of the guys feel the same and I've made some pretty good buddies these past few months. There's always that fear in my mind though, that I can lose my buddies at any moment and it's hard on a guy. It's comfortin' knowing that I have friends like you back home cheerin' me on and I know yall are waitin' for me to come back. Hopefully, I'll be back as soon as I can, but ya never know. It's nice knowin' that I have you to confide my thoughts too. A guy gotta load of his chest once awhile, but I'd rather not go into detail with that. Well, I'm runnin' outta time here. I'll write again when I get the chance. You better write too Leon. I'll be waitin'._

_-Cid_

Leon put the letter down and turned to Cloud. "Sometimes I feel guilty."

Cloud looked at Leon confused. Leon sighed and continued. "I feel like I should be out there too, by Cid's side. But, here I am doing nothing." Cloud put his hand on Leon's shoulder and rubbed it trying to comfort him. "I hate feeling useless, Cloud. I want to get out there and help. I want to be fighting for something too." Leon said lying back on the bed and pulling Cloud on top of him. /_I want to protect our country and save lives, Cloud. Why can't you just accept that and support me?/_

"No, no you don't." Cloud replied shaking his head.

"Why do you say that?" Leon asked confused.

"Because...you'll end up leaving me behind." Cloud said clutching Leon's shirt.

_Flashback_

_"I've made my decision."_

_Cloud froze where he stood, he felt so afraid of hearing his answer. "A-and that i-is?"_

_"I'm going to war." He said staring directly into Cloud's eyes. "There's nothing you can say or do to change my mind."_

_Cloud looked down, for moment he thought he would start gasping for air. He tried to make sense of what was happening. "So...t-this i-is it? I-is this what y-your really t-trying to t-tell me? T-that you've c-choosen the w-war over me, Zack? I-is that it?"_

_"I wouldn't put it that way. You know I love y--" Zack was cut off mid sentence._

_"--Yeah, but you just love your country more?" Cloud cut him off. He shook his head in anger and turned his back to Zack unable to look at him. "You're such a bastard."_

_"Cloud, listen to me, I'm not choosing anything over you. I want to defend our country as a duty and an honor. Can't you see that?" Zack explained._

_"No Zack, I can't. H-how can you expect me to accept you leaving me?" Cloud asked angered._

_"I'm not leaving forever, Cloud. I'm going to come back for you." Zack replied._

_"Yeah and what if you never came back! Ever thought of that Zack?!" Cloud said turning to face him tears beginning to fall. "What if you died?!"_

_Zack stood there silently and looked down. He knew when he made the decision to go and there was always the possibility of him not coming back. That was something that he was willing to risk, but he never stopped to take Cloud's feelings into consideration. His decision left Cloud feeling distraught._

_"You have to think about other people before you make decisions, Zack!" Cloud said. "Or you'll just end up hurting everyone around you!"_

_"You just don't understand, when I made this decision I did have other people on mind. I had the whole country on my mind!" Zack yelled._

_"Yeah, the whole country minus me." Cloud said feeling the tears rolling down his cheeks. "Did you ever once think about me?"_

_"Of course I thought about you and I thought you'd support me." Zack replied._

_"You thought I'd support such a selfish decision? How could you even think about that?" Cloud asked._

_"Selfish?" Zack said stepping toward Cloud. "You're the one that's being selfish, Cloud. I could be out supporting our country, but you'd rather have me here for your own comfort. Cloud, I love you! I love you! Your one of the reasons that I'm still going! It's not just for everyone else, but so that you can have a safe place to live too!" He explained grabbing Cloud by the shoulders. "I'm going to come back to you. I promise."_

_"Don't touch me." Cloud said pushing Zack away. Cloud started pacing holding his head; he couldn't comprehend what was happening. What did their future hold? Was it this? Could he go on living without Zack? He couldn't see himself surviving. It was like his whole world was about to end. After falling so deeply in love with Zack, Cloud couldn't see a tomorrow after he leaves._

_"Did you think it was going to be ok?" Cloud asked._

_"What do you mean?" Zack asked not understanding._

_"Did you think it was ok for you to walk into my life, befriend me, take me out on dates, become my lover, kiss me, fuck me, make me fall in love with you and then just walk out of my life so easily?" Cloud said…broken. "How could you think that Zack?"_

_"You think this is easy?! This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my life!" Zack said going over to Cloud. "It's not going to be easy walking away from the person I love most in my life." He said pulling Cloud into a hug._

_Cloud didn't protest this time, he left himself submit to Zack's tender touch. Cloud hated how Zack had so much control over him, Zack's touch alone made Cloud feel weak and vulnerable. He'd never experienced a love like his and Zack's. Throughout his life Cloud had many lovers, but not one compared to Zack. He never thought he'd find someone that he'd truly fall in love with, he never wanted to fall in love in the first place. Cloud liked to live his life a little promiscuous, but Zack took him by storm. He couldn't believe he was letting him go._

_"You think I'm going to wait for you?" Cloud asked wiping away his tears. "Because I'm not. I won't wait for you to come back." _

_"That's fine." Zack said and pulled Cloud closer to him. "You don't have to wait for me. But, I'm coming back for you, I don't care who you're with then. When I come back, you'll be mine again."_

_Cloud shook his head. "No, I won't be..." He looked up at Zack. "If you leave me now...I will never be yours again."_

_"But, I'll always be yours." Zack said and kissed Cloud._

_End Flashback_

Cloud felt tears slowly falling on his cheek, he reached up to wipe them away, but Leon grabbed his hand. He turned to look at Leon, the sadness and longing reflecting in his blue eyes. Leon shook his head and held him tighter. "You're right. I wouldn't leave you behind." He said and Cloud's eyes widened. Leon was willing to stay for him, when Zack wasn't. That said something about their personalities and how different the two were from one another.

"Is it because, you think I won't wait for you?" Cloud asked, he had to know the answer.

Leon was silent for a moment, he wasn't expecting a question like that from Cloud. But, it made him start thinking. Would Cloud really wait for him? He stared into Cloud's eyes looking for the answer, but couldn't find it. He couldn't tell how strong their relationship was at times, one day it was amazing, the next it would be full of problems. Did Cloud even love him? Cloud and Leon had only been dating for a few months, so that plays a strong factor in how they both may or may not feel. Leon knew he was in love with Cloud the moment he looked into those blue eyes, but was it the same for Cloud?

"Before I answer your question...answer me this." Leon said. "Do you love me?"

Cloud stared into Leon's eyes and answered. "Yes."

Leon smiled. "Then I know you'd wait for me if I went to war."

"Of course I would." Cloud said grabbing Leon and started kissing him. Leon didn't know the deceit in Cloud's answer, he wouldn't understand it. Cloud would never wait for someone that he loved, because if they loved him as much as he loved them, they wouldn't ask him wait. Zack never asked him to wait, but Leon expected him to. Cloud could tell Leon was getting excited when he fell on the bed pulling Cloud on top of him. Leon looked at him for permission and Cloud nodded knowing he wouldn't object. The thing about Zack was that he never asked for permission, he'd already know that once he had Cloud down on the bed, he was allowed to do anything.

_Flashback_

_Zack lay on top of Cloud, his hands running over his back as he pressed their lips together. Cloud felt a burning sensation grow within him and it was only a matter of time before, he completely lost it. Zack could always drive Cloud to the edge before they even would get half way, his touch alone was a turn on for Cloud. Their hips touched, causing Cloud to gasp and hold onto Zack tightly as he repeatedly began rocking into him. Cloud whimpered as Zack's thrusts had become rhythmic and it was needless to say he was blushing like mad. He could feel Zack's eyes on him and it embarrassed him to think about how he must look at that moment. Zack smiled at him caressing his cheek and he kissed Cloud tenderly. He moved down from his lips and kissed his neck. Cloud moaned quietly and he could felt Zack's lips curve into a smile on his neck. He continued to kiss him forming red marks on Cloud's neck. _

_End Flashback_

Cloud shook his head in a panic, he couldn't allow himself to think about Zack while he was being intimate with Leon, and he disgusted himself. "Ah..." Cloud gasped as Leon grabbed onto him and began rubbing him up and down slowly. He felt like his body would go aflame at any moment; he loved it when he felt Leon's hands on him. As good as he was feeling at the moment, he felt the guilt well up within him. How would Leon feel if he knew? Leon began to quicken his pace and he gritted his teeth, while Cloud had trouble controlling his moans. It was unfair for Leon, all of this was unfair for him, Cloud thought. "L-le-on! S-st-op!" He yelled grabbing onto his lovers arms. Leon quickly stopped and looked at Cloud questioningly, he was about to ask him if he was alright, but Cloud had pushed him off him. "L-lay down." Cloud demanded. Leon nodded and laid back down on the bed. Leon deserved some pleasure of his own.

Cloud moved down Leon's waist and began to kiss and lick up and down his arousal. Leon gripped the sheets underneath him tightly and moaned loudly, pleasure exploding from him. "Ah...Ah!"

_Flashback_

_Cloud continued to suck on Zack as he heard his moans echo in his ears. He enjoyed being able to give Zack this sort of pleasure. He continued tasting him until he heard Zack call his name. Cloud pulled away and looked up at him, he was then thrown onto to his back and Zack moved himself on top of him. Cloud spread his legs knowing what was coming. He had feelings of excitement and anticipation growing within him as he clutched the sheets underneath him. Zack slowly slid into him and Cloud wrapped his legs around his waist wanting him to go in further. Zack began rocking slowly inside of Cloud, but Cloud wanted more, he wanted it to be harder. "H-Ha-arder!" He shouted and Zack understood. He began thrusting into him faster and harder, groaning as he did it._

_"F-Fuck!" Cloud yelled out in pleasure as he felt Zack moving inside of him again and again. He felt like he couldn't think, all he felt was pleasure and his and Zack's moans. Cloud felt himself reaching the edge as he held onto Zack. "Ah...ah..ah!" He moaned as Zack's movements grew faster and faster._

_End Flashback._

Cloud felt tears coming from his eyes as Leon thrust into him; he was enjoying the pleasure, but couldn't stop thinking about Zack. Leon's pace quickened too soon and Cloud began shouting, encouraging Leon to continue on thrusting into him. "Ah...l-leon..ah...ah!" Cloud wasn't sure how much longer he could hold on. He wasn't sure what was more pleasurable having Leon inside of him or hearing Leon moan from his own pleasure."C-Cloud!" he yelled as he began going faster. "Ah..ah! Ah! Ah! Leon! Ah...ah!!" Cloud screamed his throat becoming sore. He dug his nails into Leon's back holding onto him as tight as he could. Leon began going faster, harder and rougher. "Ah! More..m-more!" Cloud demanded. Leon then began stroking him slowly as he continued to thrust. Cloud moaned urging him to continue. "F-fast-er!" He begged becoming desperate. He began pumping faster and Cloud felt a wave of fresh new tears pour from his eyes. "Le-leon! Ah..ah! L-l-leon! A-a-ah! Ah!" Cloud couldn't hold on any longer and he screamed. Leon stopped studying Cloud's face and pulled out of him slowly.

They laid there for awhile, Leon leaving gentle kisses on Cloud's face smiling. "How was it?"

"I...want you to fuck me every night like that." Cloud said and Leon laughed.

"If you want me to that I will." Leon replied.

Cloud slowly sat up barely able to move and sighed. His legs felt so weak, he didn't know if he was going to be able to get up from bed. He crawled over to the edge of the bed and stood up as slow as possible. "Where you going?" Leon asked. Cloud pointed to the bathroom and Leon nodded turning away. Cloud moved over to his drawer and pulled out a fresh pair of clothing and walked into the bathroom. He made sure he locked the door behind, not sure if he could hand another one of Leon's advances. He went on to the shower and turned the switch on, he smelled like sex and he was sticky. He climbed inside and smiled as he felt the warm water wash over him. "This feels so good." Cloud reached for the soap and began cleaning himself. He'd never felt that amazing in awhile, but what he was doing was wrong. He loved Leon, but was using him to fill the void that Zack left.

Zack was everything to Cloud, absolutely everything. He was everything, he could never ask for more. Zack came first before anyone and he wished that he could say that he was first to Zack too. But, he'd be lying. Zack's sense of duty and his willingness to protect and to help people came first. It was hard for Cloud to accept that second best was all he would ever know. The things that killed him most were not only did Zack say not to wait for him, but he told him to move on. Cloud felt his tears start again, he was sick of crying. How could he ever move on?

_Flashback_

_"Baby, I don't want you to have to wait for me." Zack said holding Cloud's face. He was dressed up in his army uniform with his bag slung over his arm. Boy, did he look handsome in that uniform, Cloud thought to himself as he looked into Zack's eyes. "I want you to move on."_

_"But, I thought you said you're coming back for me?" Cloud said shocked._

_"It was selfish of me to have said that." Zack said regretful. "I would never want to have to put you in that sort of situation."_

_"I-I don't care, Zack. You know I'd choose you over anyone." Cloud replied._

_"By then you would have started a new life. I don't want to ruin that for you. I just want you to be happy." Zack said honestly._

_"Zack, no! P-please, I lied. I was lying when I said I wouldn't wait for you. I'll wait for you forever." Cloud said grabbing onto Zack's hands. "Please..come back for me."_

_"Cloud, if I had the choice I would. But, I don't know if I'm going to make it." Zack said rubbing his thumb against Cloud's cheek. "I can't keep that promise."_

_"Zack, don't leave!" Cloud said and hugged him tightly. "You don't have to go. You haven't been drafted; this is just a foolish mistake you're making." He said desperately._

_Zack hugged Cloud tightly and looked past him, there were things he wished he could tell Cloud, but he couldn't, knowing it would destroy him. He had to tell Cloud he was going by choice, not because he was drafted. "I'm sorry, Cloud. But, this is something I have to do."_

_"I can't see myself with anyone else. I won't ever." Cloud said clinging to him._

_"There's plenty of fish in the water." Zack told him. "You'll find someone."_

_"But, I love you." Cloud replied._

_"I love you too." Zack said holding him, but he pulled away after a few moments. The more he held on, the harder it would be for him to walk away. "I've got to go."_

_Cloud nodded as Zack kissed him, he felt a surge of passion flow between them, but when Zack let go...he was left speechless. "Bye." He whispered walking away out the door. Cloud didn't say anything, he just watched the best thing that's ever happened to him walk out of his life. Zack looked back at him when he was far enough and smiled one last time before turning back around._

_End Flashback_

The next day Cloud was left home alone. Leon had work today and would be back until late. Cloud sat staring out his window like he normally would, waiting for the mail man to approach. He clutched his letter to his chest and sighed. He wasn't sure if Zack would ever write to him, but it was his turn to send something to him. Zack had to know how he felt. Cloud's heart started beating faster when he saw the mail man approaching his door and he ran downstairs in time to stop him. Cloud opened the door and the mail man looked at him.

"Cloud Strife?" He asked.

"Yes." Cloud nodded.

"I have your mail right here." The mail man said digging into his bag and handing it to him. "Here you go."

"Thank you." Cloud said and he took the mail. "If it's not too much trouble. I was wondering if... you could mail this for me?" Cloud asked holding out his letter.

"Sure." The mail man said taking the letter. "You have a good day." He said walking away.

"You too." Cloud said walking back into his house.

Cloud shut the door and walked into the dining room. He sat down at the table and began rummaging through his mail. "Bill...bill...invite...ad...ad." He sighed as he continued to look through the mail. Just what was he expecting? He asked himself. "Ad...bill....letter?" He felt his heart stop and he held it in his hands and dropped the rest of the mail on the table. He looked at the front and it was addressed to him. Cloud could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he looked at the envelope. Could it be? He thought. Was his letter finally here? Did he finally write to him? Cloud felt his hands shaking as he tore open the letter. He pulled it out slowly and he swore he was about to cry. He took a deep breath and began reading. But, he stopped immediately. Everything stopped in that moment as he dropped to his knees unable to breathe. Cloud felt his heart shatter at the first sentence...

_To: Cloud Strife_

_We regret to have to inform you that soldier Zack fair was killed in action a few days ago..._

_..._

The letter went on, but Cloud failed to read the rest. He clutched his chest as he screamed out Zack's name.

_Dear Zack,_

_It's been months and I still haven't received any letters from you. Is it that you've forgotten about me? No, it couldn't be. I don't even believe myself when I ask that. But, more importantly, how are you? Are you ok? I pray for you everyday, baby. I hope you're safe always. I miss you Zack, I miss you so much it drives me on edge. I don't know, if I can go on living much longer without you. I did what you told me to you know...I found someone else. But, I don't love him, I'm not capable. I've tried to love him, but I can't. I'm disgusted with myself, whenever I let him pull me in, it feels so wrong. He's not you, he can't even begin to compare. When I'm with him, I'm thinking of you. It's hard to get better once you've had the best. Zack, you're it for me, you're all I want and all I'll ever need. You're my own brand of perfection. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. There's no substitute for you, you're irreplaceable. I can only go on living this lie for so long, I need you to come back to me. Please, Zack I love you so much. I regret how I let myself, let you go. I made the biggest mistake of my life, the day I let you walk away. Even if you've left Zack, I hope in your heart is where I stayed._

_I love you, please come home to me._

_--Cloud_

It was later in the day that Leon found Cloud. He was sitting by the window as usual, clutching the letter in his hand. Leon didn't understand why, but Cloud's eyes were puffy and looked bloodshot, like he had been crying for hours. When he looked closer he could see his tear stained cheeks, he looked completely broken. Leon went over to him and wrapped his arms around him. Cloud didn't protest, but he didn't respond either. It didn't matter if Leon was there or not, nothing mattered now. This was his new life. His cold and empty new life. He felt the tears rolling down his cheeks and he closed his eyes…

Broken and hollow…

_**The End**_

* * *

I love that song so much! It inspired me to write this oneshot. Really long oneshot, huh? I wasn't expecting to ever write a oneshot so long, I've never even read one this long. I hope no one minds! Please REVIEW! I'd really appreciate. I've been working hard on this one for the past week. I'd like to thank JeeNoo for all her help, Thank you JeeNoo for everything! Your amazing!


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